Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
