why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
