WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
