WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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