Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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