You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
