im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
