i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
