I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
