How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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