please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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