You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
