I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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