i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
