Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
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I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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