Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
