I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
try to milk me bitch
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