Someone shit on the floor
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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