Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
