I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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