They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's get the cat blown out
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
