If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
