So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
