As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
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Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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