So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
