We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
