so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There's a naked man in my car right now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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