Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
