Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
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Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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