is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize