I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
