Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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