they need to just BURY HIM!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
