The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
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I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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