She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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