So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
