Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
