I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
