It's Friday. Sex?
He kissed a someone with a penis
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
