Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
