i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
