I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
