Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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