It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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