Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
