I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
