A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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