In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
