Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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