Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
