I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
