WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
