I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
