I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
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I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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