so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do vagina's smell?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
