He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I wish i was in the wii world.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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