Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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