Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
