Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize