So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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