I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
