i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize