I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
