you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
