hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
