Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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