I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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