hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
