so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
