tell your sister to shave her snatch
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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