But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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