what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
