So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
