how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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