fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize