I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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